Roots and Wings Read online

  “Hey, mountain lion?” Jerry was standing in front of him, his hands on David’s shoulders.

  “Sorry, cowboy, just thinking,” David said and wrapped an arm around Jerry’s waist.

  “Scared me there for a minute. You looked so sad.”

  “We’re getting to that age, you know.” David felt the tears threatening and chastised himself for letting it all get to him, and on the day Cory returned with Tara. “I’ll behave, I promise. I won’t ruin their big announcement.”

  “Bullshit, David,” Jerry said and stopped, turning his husband around to face him. “You’re not ruining anything.” Jerry ran his fingers through the salt and pepper hair, finding it as silky and soft as ever. “You’re taking too much on yourself again, baby. Let me take some of that for you.”

  “I wish you could, Jerry, but I have to figure all of this out for myself.”

  David walked beside Jerry, who led him to stand by the corral fence. Jerry leaned his big, muscular body against the fence, spread his legs, and pulled David in between them, the two men eye to eye and wrapped around each other. He kissed David’s forehead and then looked down at him. “You know what it does to me to see you like this. Can’t stand it, baby.”

  “I’m sorry,” David sighed as he leaned against the strong chest and listened to the heartbeat that had soothed him every day for the past seven years. “I’m just having a hard time figuring out how I’m supposed to feel about all this.”

  “All what?”

  “Too many changes, I guess. Like my mother.” David snuggled in closer to his husband and pushed his hands under the denim jacket. “I just get in these moods sometimes, and I don’t know how to get myself out of them.”

  “Can help you with that,” Jerry whispered next to one of David’s sensitive ears.

  “Oh, trust me,” David said with a quick laugh, looking up to show Jerry a grin. “That helps. That really does help, but I guess I think I might need to go and talk to someone about all these changes. The ones that have happened and the ones that will happen.”

  “I’m pretty good at listening,” Jerry said, ducking his head for a quick kiss.

  “You are, Jerry. You really do help me with that, but I can’t stand that I’m making you worry, making you sad.” David brought one hand up to caress Jerry’s chest through the thin cotton of his T-shirt. “I think I need to talk to someone who doesn’t want to absorb it all himself.” David watched as Jerry frowned and nodded. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m not trying to hurt you, but—”

  “I’m not hurt, David. You need to go and talk to someone, I’ll drive you there and take you out for ice cream afterward.” David knew that look on Jerry’s face, the one that said he didn’t think David believed him. “Honestly, baby. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all this, then we’ll make an adventure out of it. We’ll make sure William knows we’ll be gone certain nights, and maybe I can sit in with you during some of those sessions. Maybe we can learn how to cope together.”

  Why am I not surprised, David thought as he gazed up into those blue eyes. Jerry’s probably feeling the same things I am, probably trying to figure out how he’ll deal with all the changes and the empty nest. But he’s never been the type to talk things out, always preferred to keep most things in until I have to drag it out of him.

  “I would love that, Jerry.” David stole a kiss, feeling a little better already. Maybe I can get him to stop taking all of this on himself. That’s one thing that had not changed since they’d met—Jerry was always so hard on himself, always thinking he wasn’t doing enough. “It will be one less thing for me to worry about, right away.”

  “You’re still worried that I do too much.” It wasn’t a question. “Still worried that I’m thinking I’m responsible for making everyone happy.” David nodded and Jerry laughed. “But that makes me happy, David.” Jerry must have seen the confusion on David’s face. “It’s like a puzzle for me, trying to figure out what I can do to help you and William and Cory. It makes me happy to know that I’m doing all I can to take some of the stress out of your lives.”

  “Okay,” David said after a moment of silence. “But I’m still looking forward to our dates after our sessions.”

  “Me too, mountain lion. Me too.”

  David pushed himself against the solid body, reveling in the heat and the comfort he always managed to find when he was near Jerry. David didn’t know if what he was feeling was depression or just a midlife crisis, but he found a tremendous amount of relief just having talked to Jerry about his concerns. And even if Jerry didn’t necessarily believe there was anything wrong, he’d offered to come with David to the sessions, offered to stand beside him while he learned how to deal with all of the upheaval that had seemed to bombard him lately.

  They walked back to the house, arms wrapped around each other, the sinking sun setting the sky aglow with pink and purple and orange.

  Chapter 4

  WILLIAM pulled up to the red light, the last intersection before he’d hit the city limits, which meant only five more minutes before he’d be back home, back at the ranch. He’d just finished his six-hour Saturday shift at Dr. Douglas’s veterinary practice and was on his way home. During the last three hours of his shift, he’d changed his mind about telling his fathers at least a dozen times, finally convincing himself that telling them was the best decision. Now, so close to home, he wasn’t as sure anymore.

  He knew that if he didn’t tell them and they found out, which they always did, he’d have to risk losing their trust. There was no way he’d ever be able to live with that. William had never, intentionally, done anything against his fathers’ wishes, but he had disappointed them once or twice. William would never be able to see the look of disappointment on their faces, day after day, knowing that one stupid, impetuous decision had cost him the trust of two of the men he loved more than anything else in the world. And when Cory found out? William would rather die than let his brother down.

  When he’d first received the message at work—the simple text had read, false alarm still luv me?—he’d spent the next three hours arguing, back and forth, with himself. Now I don’t have to tell them—I have to tell them. So here he was, mere minutes away from having to confess everything to his dads. The light turned green, and William pressed the gas pedal.

  As he completed the final nerve-wracking two-minute drive down the township road and back to the house he’d called home for seven years, William wondered when it had all become so complicated. When had his life become full of adult-type problems and decisions? He longed for the days when his life was a series of popcorn and movies, the hardest thing in his life being trying to stay awake to the end of the movie. Invariably, William ended up asleep, held safe by David or Jerry, only to find himself in his own bed when he woke up in the morning.

  But it seemed to him that they hadn’t done that in months. It certainly wasn’t his fathers’ fault; William had allowed himself to get so busy with school and his part-time job. And then there had been Wayde, his best friend the past six years. They’d met when Jerry had asked their neighbor, Paulie, to help William with training his young puppy, who wasn’t all that young anymore. William had gone back to Paulie’s for a lot more lessons on how to train and take care of Billie, sometimes more excited about seeing Wayde than the lessons. Cory had always gone with him, anxious to see Tara, Wayde’s sister. Paulie was Tara and Wayde’s grandfather, their father’s dad, and had lived next door to Jerry for almost thirty years. William was sure that he’d spent as much time on Paulie’s ranch as he did on Jerry’s.

  The two eleven-year-olds had become fast friends, inseparable, and William loved him as much as his fathers and Cory. But he didn’t see much of Wayde anymore, not as much as he used to anyway. William always figured it was because his best friend had discovered girls, always asking William to double-date when the girl that Wayde liked didn’t want to go out without her best friend. So, William had gone along to the movies or out for coffee. They’d e
ven stayed on Paulie’s ranch for an afternoon or two, just to ride the horses and help Wayde’s grandfather with a few chores. William didn’t mind at all; as long as he got to spend time with Wayde, William would be happy doing anything.

  But even that was changing now. Wayde spent more and more time with Julie, the two of them no longer interested in double-dating, preferring to spend time alone. William understood that, he did, but it still made him feel the same sense of loss he’d felt when Cory had left to go live with his aunt or when Frau Zimmerman had died. Cory came back after only a week or so, but William figured that Wayde would be gone for a lot longer than that. Sure, they would see each other whenever Wayde could manage, but it wasn’t the same anymore. He still missed spending time with Wayde.

  Of course William had other pursuits and hobbies, even some new friends he’d met through Wayde who would call and invite him to parties or for an evening of video games and movies. William even had two cousins around his age. Maddy was a year older than William, and Kyle, a year younger. They were each the eldest child of one of David’s sisters, the sisters who’d reconnected with David almost six years ago. It had been a strange feeling for William, having gone from having David and Jerry all to himself to sharing them with more and more people, and he hadn’t been certain he liked the idea at first. But then he’d met them, met his cousins, and it was like built-in friends.

  He’d always enjoyed talking with them or texting them. Maddy had been the one to explain to William, without the young man having to divulge his entire secret, that most children lied to their parents now and then. There would always be things that children couldn’t—or did not want to—tell the adults in their lives. It’s normal, Kyle had agreed. William had seen them only a week ago when David’s sisters and father had come for a Sunday barbecue. That’s when Kyle and Maddy had told William to be careful about what he told his fathers, reinforcing the belief that it wasn’t always a good idea to be completely honest with your parents.

  The sense of relief that William had felt for only a few moments was quickly replaced by a feeling of despair and loneliness. He didn’t want to lie to his fathers—he didn’t want to keep feeling that heavy knot in the pit of his stomach every time he looked at them. He wanted things to be the way they had been. Since he got the text message at work, he knew they could be the same, but it meant he would have to keep this secret from his fathers. And there was no way William would ever do that. Even if Maddy and Kyle had called it a white lie, it was still a lie.

  He pulled his car onto the long driveway that led up to the ranch, steeling his courage for the confession he would make. As he parked his car near the new SUV that David had bought, William noticed the rental car on the other side. Cory, he remembered. Cory and Tara were arriving today. Determined to tell his fathers anyway, William grabbed his backpack and headed inside the house, where he was greeted by the sounds of laughter.

  William tossed his backpack near the stairs. David had tried to break him of this habit, but it never stuck. Neither had the habit William had tried to get into of taking his backpack with him when he left his bedroom. He couldn’t remember ever not having to go back up to get it.

  William heard Billie bark only once and run toward him. He kneeled down on the floor and rubbed behind her ears, avoiding her tongue like he always had to. She was six years old, but just as frisky and energetic as she’d been as a puppy. He petted and nuzzled her while he heard the tail end of a story that Cory was telling. He didn’t know what the story was about, but it must have been a funny one because everyone in the kitchen was laughing pretty hard. William heard his father’s laughter getting louder.

  “There he is,” Jerry said, moving to embrace his son. “How was work today?” Jerry guided his son back into the kitchen.

  “Good,” William said, the smile coming to his face without any thought on his part. He was so happy to have everyone back together again. He’d missed Cory.

  “Billiam,” Cory said as he pushed away from the table and moved around Jerry. William felt himself wrapped up in Cory’s arms. “We got busted,” he whispered next to his brother’s ear. Cory let him go, and stood back, looking over at David for a moment before fixing William with a doleful look. “I’m afraid David figured out that I gave you the money to pimp your ride.”

  “I’m sorry—” William started to say, but then David was hugging him.

  “Don’t worry about it, William,” David said, his voice as gentle as the hand that squeezed his neck, as the hand that brushed the hair out of his eyes.

  “Hey,” Cory said suddenly. “Is William taller than David?”

  “No,” William said as he bent down to pick up Billie’s bowl and change the water. “I’m just wearing sneakers.” William shrugged and emptied the bowl. He filled it with the filtered water that they kept in the fridge and then finally noticed something. “Where’s Tara?”

  “Here,” Tara said, coming back into the kitchen, probably from the bathroom, Billie at her side. “We missed you,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.

  William didn’t say anything at first, his mind trying not to let Tara’s presence remind him of all the problems he was having. If she stayed in the room, there was no way William would ever be able to tell his fathers what he’d done; he’d be far too embarrassed.

  So, with a smile at Tara and a quick excuse that he had something important to do in his room—which was just getting his laundry ready for laundry day tomorrow—he turned back toward the stairs and scooped up his backpack.

  “William?” Cory caught up with him on the stairs. “Can you come back into the kitchen for a minute?”

  “Why?” William had this sudden, crazy idea that Cory knew that he was hiding something. I knew I should have stayed longer in the kitchen, William thought as he waited for Cory to answer.

  “Tara and I have something to tell you and Jerry and David,” Cory explained. “Please?”

  “Of course,” William said, feeling stupid for having had to make Cory say please. God, William thought as he followed Cory back into the kitchen, if I don’t get this out soon, I’m going to go crazy!

  THE announcement was officially made, Tara showed them all her engagement ring, and Cory was beaming like Jerry didn’t know what. Tara had already told her grandfather, which was why they’d been late getting here to the ranch. Tara was ecstatic when she told them about how thrilled her grandfather had been. She looked at Cory with such love in her eyes when she told Jerry and David what her grandpa thought of her future husband. Jerry couldn’t help but burst with pride for himself and for David when he listened to their praise for Cory: Kind, considerate, hardworking, trustworthy. Of course, this was no surprise to anybody in the room, but Jerry’s chest tightened a little anyway. He’d hugged Cory and Tara when it was his turn and then watched as William hugged his brother and future sister-in-law, but with an indifference that wasn’t like William. He was sure David had noticed it as well.

  Jerry looked intently at David’s face. David was studying William. Not just looking at him as he always did, with admiration and love, but almost as if David was scrutinizing their son. Jerry couldn’t help but wonder if he’d noticed it too. William hadn’t really seemed different to him lately, but he didn’t seem himself tonight. William was just William, their kind and handsome and sensitive and hard-working son. William knew them well enough by now to know that he could talk to them about anything. Jerry decided to go and speak with William later.

  “I’ve been saving this,” Jerry said as he walked into the dining room and came back with a bottle of champagne. “For just this occasion.” Jerry looked over at Cory, standing with his arm around Tara’s waist. Cory had blossomed and grown while he’d lived at the ranch. He was as tall as Jerry now and filling out even more. He had grown into a good man, a kind man, nothing like his father. David always referred to their boys as gentle souls, and—as usual—David was right. “You can drink this, right?” Jerry looked over at Tara, who
blushed. “Or do we need to pour you something… else?” Jerry noticed the look on William’s face. It was as if William didn’t want to be there with them.

  “No,” Tara said, her hands nervously tucking hair behind her ear. “We’ve decided to wait until I’ve finished school and Cory’s business is a little more solid.”

  Jerry popped the cork on the champagne, and Billie came bounding into the room. “Hey, girl. Did we scare you?” Jerry tugged on her ears a little and watched as she sauntered over to stand by William. He noticed his son go down on his haunches, stroking and petting Billie. He wondered again what had William so distracted.

  “This isn’t the first time I asked her,” Cory said as Jerry handed them all champagne flutes. “Tara thought we should wait until one of us had finished school.”

  “Smart girl,” David said as he accepted his glass from his husband. “You let us know what we can do. Whatever you want.”

  “Thanks, David,” Cory said, squeezing Tara against him. “I just about passed out when she said yes this time.”

  Jerry passed a flute to William who looked up in surprise. “Special occasion,” Jerry said in answer to his son’s unspoken question. He and David had allowed William to have a beer every now and then, only to discover that William didn’t really like alcohol, taking a couple of sips before offering the rest to either Jerry or David. Jerry always figured that’s why he’d gotten to be much taller than his parents—William could never seem to get enough milk.